Yep, this is a question that I’ve been asking myself lately, and I’ve also been googling it to see what are the ‘symptoms’ of outgrowing friends. I’ve done a lot of thinking about my friendships and I realised that I feel strange about some people or maybe estranged from them. But why? It’s not like they’ve done anything wrong to me. Then I realised more stuff…I am the problem. I’m the one that’s changed. I wasn’t sure I wanted to publish this as I’m not usually the type of person that writes deep and meaningful posts and at first I wanted to just vent on a piece of paper but I thought there might be someone out there that might be feeling the same as I do.
So my answer to the question ‘can you outgrow friends?’ is yes, but should you feel guilty about that? Absolutely NO. People change. And so do friendships.
Over the past year or so I started focusing more on my personal growth and well being. I learned how to ‘adult’, I started my blog, I did some travelling and I’ve been through other experiences that helped me mature and change as a person. Life looks different to all of us and and people’s priorities and aspirations can sometimes be situated at opposite poles. Therefore, you may not be on the same page anymore with some of your friends. And that’s okay. It’s not hate, it’s not like someone’s done something unforgivable and you’ve stopped caring for them, but we’ve simply changed. And we have to embrace that.
We are under no obligation to stay in circles that don’t fuel us to positive grow so it’s very important to acknowledge when a friendship, either it’s a long or a short one, has come to its course. Most of my friends live back home in Romania and at first I thought distance and lack of communication was what made me feel very alienated and sometimes resented for changing. But that’s not it. We’ve all just grown apart and made new friends. All of our brief social media conversations are now about the good old times. I don’t know about you but I don’t like being bound by the past, nostalgia and all that, which makes the conversations not so enjoyable. That just means you’re attached to someone for the wrong reasons. You need people in your life that inspire you, help you evolve and encourage you to become brighter and better.
I’ve never been able to really tell people how I feel because I was scared of hurting their feelings but I can honestly count my ‘real’ friends on one hand, and two out of five spots are probably taken by my mum and dad. My bestest of friends moved across the pond to America around the same time I moved to London. We’re pretty far away from each other and we don’t talk every day but when we do, it’s like nothing’s changed. We still have a lot of things in common (including our name) and she’s probably one of the only people that gets happy for me whenever I succeed in something. She’s one of a kind!
I believe that it’s a natural thing to want to get away and move on when you feel like you don’t have anything left in common with someone. My advice is to stop prioritising the friendship if it doesn’t feel friendly anymore. Some things are not destined to last. People grow apart, they have their own priorities and values, they make their own choices and reality is…if you want to become a better person, you will outgrow your friends. I personally don’t want to be stuck between my old life and my new identity.
This post might seem a bit messy but I felt the need to get this off my chest and I just wrote without thinking where I want to go with this. I could have written more but I’m just going to leave you with one last piece of advice: surround yourself with people that inspire you and elevate you. Prioritise your future over you past without feeling guilty and always be happy!
What are your thoughts on outgrowing friends and what would you do about it?