I guess I should start this post by saying Happy New Year? It’s still acceptable to pop that in there halfway through January, considering it’s my very first post for 2018, right? Welcome back to my little blog, it’s been a while. I know a brand new post in the new year was long overdue but I actually struggled to find the words to write what I want to write, and you’ll see in a minute what I’m talking about.
First things first, check out the new design! I’m so so happy with how this space looks at the moment. I actually moved from Blogger to WordPress a few weeks ago and shoutout to pipdig for the fast, easy and smooth process. Honestly guys, if you’re looking to migrate your blog or just looking for a blog design, they got your back. So yeah, snazzy new theme for the new year, yay! I’m still playing with it so maybe you’ll see some changes in the future, but for now I’m pleased with how my blog looks. I also added a wardrobe wishlist page and a beauty one where I share some of the products that I currently love or things that I want to buy so make sure you check them out and feel free to shop till you drop.
Coming back to the actual post and what is it about. If you’re a regular reader of this blog then you may be aware that most of my posts are beauty related. However, this year I want to make things more personal and also talk about things that I’m going through or things that bother me, you get the gist. I published a couple of personal posts way back in 2017 about me being an introvert or outgrowing friends and they did really well and I was surprised to see a lot of people relating to things like these so I’m definitely going to expand this side of my blog more in 2018.
Because of that, I didn’t want my first post of the year to be something beauty related. Instead, I’m going to share with you my reflection of 2017 and some things that I would like to achieve this year. But don’t worry, they are not the generic ‘I wanna travel the world and go to the gym more’ kind of goals.
Over the last few days leading up to the new year, my social media was crazy filled with threads of everyone’s 2017 highlights and goals for 2018. So I asked myself…what have you done in 2017? Something you’re proud of, something worth mentioning? Honestly, my mind went blank. I think I killed all my brain cells trying to pull some moments that really made my year. It was a struggle coming up with more than 3-5 generic highlights, not even something out of this world, because my 2017 was nothing like that.
Looking back at the resolutions I set in January 2017, I realised I didn’t accomplish 95% of them. In a way, I find this upsetting, but I’m also okay with the situation because I did set some unrealistic goals a year ago. Therefore, I’m not going to make proper resolutions for 2018 like oh I want to buy this and that, I want to travel here and there, get money etc. Obviously I have dreams and aspirations, places I want to get to but I’ll just put them all in one big resolution: to work hard. I strongly believe that if go with the flow and just work hard either it’s uni or my blog and Youtube, great things will happen. I can only wish to be happy and healthy both physically and mentally so I can get.shit.done.
I can’t pretend that 2018 is going to be an easy breezy year. I will be graduating (pray for me lol), I will have to get a job?? and a place to stay eventually. My life will probably take a 360 degree turn, and I’m not ready because finding stability, adjusting to new routines and all that is hard.
This year I’ve also decided that I’m going to invest everything into myself. 2017 was a whirlwind and it was very challenging for me mentally. That’s why I haven’t really come up with the usual resolutions for the new year, because the biggest aspect in my life that actually needs progress and improvement is actually…me.
Over the past six months or so, I came to the conclusion that I’m actually a mess with a shitty attitude and with the most negative outlook on life. These things have definitely been a burden against me this year but I’m determined to make some changes. I definitely need to focus more on myself, my well-being and learn a thing or two about self-love. I’m on my way to a happier me and this is how it’s gonna go:
I will stop comparing myself to others in every possible way
This has been an ongoing thing for as long as I can remember. Sometimes I end up comparing myself to others without even realising because in a world where we’re basically dominated by social media where we see people looking a certain way, doing certain things or going certain places, it is almost inevitable not to think wow I wish I had that body or I wish my life looked like that. This is quite disheartening but I guess we should all just focus on our own journey and strengths, praise our own good qualities and live with a constant reminder that we are unique and seeing someone doing something better doesn’t necessarily make them a better person.
Stop questioning my self-worth
Uh-huh, I’m worth it. I had to lighten up the mood with a Fifth Harmony reference. Anyway, the bane of my happiness is definitely my very low self-esteem. Nothing is more important than how you think and feel about yourself so being in a position where you’re constantly insecure and you feel like you’re failing at certain things or you’re not good enough for some people, it is quite sad, trust me on this. Even if other people tell me I’m good at something, I take that as being completely unreliable. Oh and don’t get me started on compliments. I have zero trust in them. So yeah, by the end of this year I will try to be a completely different person and build up my confidence, learn how to block negative thoughts, prove to myself that I matter and most importantly, don’t make my self-worth conditional on other people.
Be out and about more
I’ve recently discovered how awesome it is to do things by yourself. Just a few days ago I came back from a solo trip to New York and I the only thing I can say is that it was life-changing. I never thought that doing things by myself, in my own rhythm like going to museums, taking myself out for dinner and to the theatre would make me feel so peaceful, content and inspired. That’s why this year I plan on being out and about more to exhibitions, markets, food festivals, you name it. I’m going to enjoy my own company somewhere other than my room more often, get to know myself more and basically become my own best friend.
Work on my overthinking
I swear every night when I try to go to bed my brain goes full steam ahead into overthinking mode. I think I even overthink my overthinking sometimes. Every situation, life event, things I do or say, things I get told or even an outfit for a night out, my brain needs to do a full on analysis until my judgment gets all cloudy and turn everything into some dark, negative thoughts. So yeah, I need to work on this big time but it’s a good start that I am aware of the situation. I definitely have to put things more into perspective, accept the fact that I can’t predict the future, tone it down with the perfectionism, stop thinking about what can go wrong and focus on the right and ultimately just accept my best and be grateful.
Stop beating myself up all the time
Because I am the definition of a perfectionist and I constantly seek perfection in everything, every time I come across a rocky road I beat myself up and go down a path of self-bullying let’s say. I know that nobody is perfect and even the best and brightest can make a mistake but moving on from it is the hard part for me. I can totally do a quick search through my brain and remind myself of something stupid I did 5 years ago and realise I’m still not over it. Anyway, mistakes are learning opportunities and instead of letting them affect my confidence and let them make me feel insecure, I’m going to try and be more kind to myself and also more patient because I think it’s gonna take time to correct a deep-rooted issue like my self-criticism.
In a nutshell, that’s how I would love to improve myself in 2018. I know this was a lengthy post but hopefully not too boring. Apparently I wrote over 1500 words, why am I not able to do this so easily for an academic essay??